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AS TO THE LORD: THE SUBMISSION OF WIVES (EPHESIANS 5:21-24)
The late Ruth Bell Graham, wife of evangelist, Billy
Graham, was once approached and asked if she or her husband had ever thought
about divorce. She responded with, “Divorce? No. Murder? Yes.”[1] Marriage is
a relationship based on a principle as simple as submission but convoluted by
unsatisfied humanity, which is why it only works when true satisfaction is
found in the Lord Jesus Christ. Marriage is submission. Where submission is not
present is not only a failed marriage but a marriage that does not do what it
should: display a picture of Christ and his bride, the church.
This series will be divided into three parts: 1) focusing
on wives, 2) focusing on husbands, and 3) focusing on children and families and
centering around the text in Ephesians 5:21-6:4. The common thread through the
entire text is submission (first to God and then to each other). God has
initiated a design for marriage that reflects his character, and it is not to
be ignored, for doing so begs for failure. God-honoring marriages and families
should conform to the instructions presented in Scripture.
This portion of the series deals with wives. Although wives
are addressed first in the text, most of Paul’s instructions are delivered to
husbands. Any wives prone to offense by Paul’s address, therefore, should take
comfort in the fact that his address to husbands soon follows. The charge to
wives centers around submission. Submission, however, is not to be considered a
negative term or inferior action, for it is necessary among all believers. For
the wife, the responsibility in a marriage is to, yes, submit to the husband
but first to God. Likewise, the wife’s submission to her husband presupposes
the husband’s submission to God so that her best interest is considered. In the
text considered today (Ephesians 5:21-24), three key essentials may be pulled from
Paul’s words.
1.
Gospel-family dynamics are founded upon
submission to Christ;
2.
the wife’s submission is subsequent to
submission to Christ; and
3.
the wife is a representation of the church.
These three elements are crucial to
understanding various roles in marriage and especially the role of the wife.
Gospel-Family
Dynamics are Founded upon Submission to Christ (5:21)
Prior to discussing the role of individual family members,
Paul offers a basis for submission: namely the ultimate submission to Christ
(i.e. all forms of human submission to one another are subsequent and governed
by submission to Jesus). The Apostle Paul instructs the Church at Ephesus to
submit to one another “out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21). From this
instruction then, a proceeding level of submission is given to believers.
First, however, Christians should understand that submission to Christ supersedes
any other form of submission, for Christ is the Christian’s ultimate authority.
Submission to Christ, nonetheless, does not imply a
negation of human submission but a reason for it (i.e. believers should submit
to one another out of obedience and respect for the Lord). Paul, in fact, even
excludes conditions in submitting to one another when he instructs God’s people
to give thanks to God always and “for everything” (Eph 5:20) before charging Christians to
submit to one another. “He has
implied in verse 19 that the enthusiasm that the Spirit inspires is not to be
expressed individualistically, but in fellowship.”[2] Therefore, no
matter the difficulty or disdain for a brother or sister, God’s people are to
submit to one another, for submission to Christ demands such action (John
14:15).
While most English translators render verse 21 as “out of
reverence for Christ,” the Greek reads, “in the fear of Christ”[3] (ἐν φόβος or en phobos). Speaking to the Church at
Ephesus, certainly, ancient Jewish culture would have understood the explicit
command and concept of living life in the fear of God. Paul’s instruction then
further clarifies the radical notion of the time that Jesus Christ is, in fact,
God and God’s kingdom is Christ’s (Eph 5:5). Christians, therefore, should live
in the kingdom God has instructed. As servants of God, Scripture’s demands aim
for the body of Christ, the church, to be comprised of brothers and sisters who
mutually submit to one another based upon their obedience and submission to
Christ. Without first submitting to the Lord, it is not possible for God’s
people to submit to one another.
Gospel-family dynamics,
whether between husbands and wives or children and parents necessitate a model.
That model is Jesus Christ in whom believers live and share faith and upon whom
all family actions are founded. When believers do not submit to one another in
love, they do not submit to Christ in obedience. In a cyclic manner, Christian
submission first requires godly submission and then proceeds to mutual
submission to one another. Without the antecedent of submission to God, not
only is submission to one another impossible, one lives in disobedience and
truly does not submit to God, for if believers submit to God, they will submit
to one another as the result of such obedience.
Everything that occurs in the Christian faith requires a
foundation, of which Jesus Christ is the most solid. To honor God in the
dynamics of marriage and family, husbands, wives, and children must understand
that there subsists such a basis in submitting to one another. Without the
basis of submission to Christ, submission to each other is a futile effort. Submission
to one another is a direct result of the Holy Spirit’s manifestation in
individual lives. Paul offers the Fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23), which
centers around human relationships. “They all
concern our relationships. If we are filled with the Spirit, we shall be
harmoniously related both to God (worshipping him with joy and thanksgiving)
and to each other (speaking and submitting to one another).”[4] Because
of the Holy Spirit’s work in the lives of his people, relational undercurrents
should be different from the pattern of the world. Indeed, Christian marriages
and families should be viewed as vastly different from the standards of the
world. The world does not submit to one another. Believers, contrarily, are
commanded to submit to one another. To honor God in this way, Christians should
exemplify the Fruit of the Spirit, which is the evidence of one changed by God.
Submission to one another achieves this goal in humility and reverence for the
Lord. Successful marriage and family dynamics then are dependent on submission
to the Lord. Where submission to the Lord does not occur, Christians should
immediately correct their trajectory so that submission to one another is
derived from its basis: submission to the Lord.
Christian marriage[5] is
vital to portraying the gospel. Christ’s bride is the church. Marriage is
intended to display the glory of God through the Son and his bride, the church.
While human relationships are surely imperfect because of sin, Jesus Christ
covers such imperfections and allows his people the honor of displaying the
beauty of himself and his bride. Believers then are to mirror the relationship
between Jesus and the church, which is founded upon submission to Christ. Where
God’s people first submit to Christ, they then submit to one another out of
reverence for the Lord.
The Wife’s
Submission Is Subsequent to Submission to Christ (5:22-24)
Paul continues the text by charging wives to submit to their
husbands. Further, he places ownership of the wife’s submission by specifying
their “own” (Eph 5:22) husbands (i.e. the Apostle Paul places the
responsibility of submission to their husbands and no one else on wives). New
Testament Jews held familiarity with household codes and constructs. “The domestic or household codes found in texts
like Col 3:18-4:1 and 1 Pet 2:11-3:12 have their historical and social source
in the Greek Philosopher and social scientist, Aristotle.”[6]
Thus, Paul’s discussion of the body and the head resonated with Jewish culture.
The New Testament throughout emphasizes the
dignity of womanhood, and it is an indisputable fact that the example and
teaching of Christ have lifted women in one country and society after another
to a position that they did not occupy before. Whereas in many great religions,
not least in Judaism and Islam, women have a far lower place than men, the New
Testament emphasizes their spiritual equality.[7]
A disparate approach from cultural norms,
however, is the foundation upon which Paul’s argument is built, for the
Apostle’s overarching teaching centers around the equality and complementary
roles of individuals, especially men and women, husbands and wives (Gal 3:28). Paul
contends, in his first letter to the Church at Corinth, that the wife belongs
to the husband and the husband to the wife (1 Cor 7:4): a similar argument to
that here in Ephesians regarding the body and the head, for one cannot function
without the other, which points to a mutual submission. Paul’s focus in verses
22-24, however, is on the role of the wife. In marriage, the wife represents
the church. Therefore, the wife is led, honored, and loved by the husband. Her
role is not lesser than the husband’s but an equally important part of
portraying the gospel.
Paul submits that a wife’s responsibility is
more crucial than merely submitting to her husband, for the role of the wife is
to submit chiefly to the Lord (5:24). To deny the responsibility of the wife to
submit to her husband is to deny the model God has ordained. The Ephesians
model for husbands and wives, however, does not diminish the importance of
women but elevates it, for as Christ loves and serves his bride, a husband is
to also love and serve his wife. The wife’s role as the body is vital to support
the role of the husband as the head. The analogy, therefore, should not be
viewed as a hierarchy but rather a mutual function of distinct roles.
Submission in the ancient world, unsurprisingly
holds what is considered a negative implication to many today. William Barclay
sums it up: “The Jews had a low view of women. In the Jewish form of morning
prayer there was a sentence in which a Jewish man every morning gave thanks
that God had not made him ‘a Gentile, a slave or a woman.’”[8]
Paul’s meaning, however, should be measured against the predominant display he
references in all his discussions of husbands and wives: Christ and the church.
In such a case, the view of women is not low (i.e. wives are not subservient to
husbands but are compatible partners in the gospel of Jesus Christ with
differing roles from their husbands). To submit then does not mean to
unquestionably obey without regard to Christ but rather, in response to Christ,
to submit willingly to the husband’s leadership (who, in a godly marriage, also
submits to Christ).
In a perfect display of Christ and the church,
the wife understands to whom she submits first: namely Jesus Christ. The wife’s
submission then is “out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21) before respect for
her husband. Thus, even if a wife finds it difficult to submit to her husband,
she should not find it difficult to submit to the Lord. In submitting to the
Lord then, the wife submits to her husband (i.e. the perspective is obedience
to God rather than obedience to another person). The primary purpose of marriage
is to display God’s glory through Christ and his bride, the church. The wife,
therefore, offers a vital purpose in her role, for she portrays the church. As
such, her submission is first to Christ and then to her husband as a
demonstration of the church’s submission to Jesus.
The Wife Is a Representation of the Church
(5:24)
A wife’s responsibility is first to submit to
Christ. Paul seems to place emphasis on the superiority of submission to
Christ. An instruction to submit to anyone is perhaps difficult for any person
to accept. Thus, the Apostle Paul places an overruling demand on wives: “…as
the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to
their husbands” (Eph 5:24). Such a command presupposes a godly relationship in
which both wives and husbands submit to Christ and, therefore, submit to one another.
In all cases, however, excluding those that demand sin, wives are to submit to
their husbands not primarily out of obedience to him but out of obedience to
Jesus Christ. The wife’s role is the body. As such, she is to submit to her
husband, the head, and his leadership, for such a submission beautifully
displays the position of the church in the divine marriage between Christ and
his bride.
To submit in everything (5:24) “does not mean…that
she is in the hands of one who has authority to command what he pleases. He is
one whose duty to her is expressed in nothing short of the highest demand of
self-giving love.”[9] While
this type of loving relationship between a husband and wife is ideal (and
demanded for God’s people), a wife, nonetheless, has the responsibility to
submit to her husband with the governing caveat being as to the Lord. For a
plurality of reasons, as difficult as it may be for some wives to submit to their
husbands God has ordained them to marry, their first purpose is to obey God.
When one’s focus is on obedience to the Lord, any other form of submission
pales in comparison (i.e. even if a wife has a difficult time submitting to her
husband, she should act in obedience to God, not to another person). The role
of the wife is often tainted in Western culture. Paul discusses the concept of
headship and submission causing many who read the text to ponder what is meant
by such terms. John Stott explains:
To begin with, these words do not by themselves
establish stereotypes of masculine and feminine behavior. Different cultures
assign different tasks to men and women, husbands and wives. In the West, for
example, it has long been conventional for the wife to do the shopping, cooking
and cleaning, together with the feeding, bathing, nappy-changing and minding of
babies. In many parts of Africa and Asia the women also work in the fields and
carry heavy loads on their heads. Nowadays, however, and rightly, these
conventions are recognized as cultural and are therefore being challenged and
in some cases changed. Many couples are learning to share the household chores.[10]
Preconceived
notions, thus, are not congruent with the biblical picture of husbands and
wives. The biblical model involves the husband as the head and leader and the
wife as the body and supporter. Beyond that description, a myriad of
possibilities exist for how the marriage relationship functions practically.
The crucial element in the wife’s role is the
representation of the church. God has called the wife to submit to the husband
because the church submits to him. Since the primary purpose of human marriage
is to offer a picture of the church and Jesus Christ, the wife should embrace
her role as one who submits to her husband, for this submission perfectly
displays how the church is to submit to her Lord. The wife’s role, therefore,
is not less than that of the husband’s and does not diminish the woman’s importance
but rather elevates the realization of how believers should operate in relation
to Jesus Christ. The wife represents the church, the people for whom Jesus
Christ died and loves. As such, the wife is exceedingly crucial and
irreplaceable to marriage, for she represents a distinct body which only a
woman and wife may represent.
A Perfect Display: The Wife’s Submission to God
At the outset of the
film, The Princess Bride, a poor farm boy named Westley is
constantly ordered around by Buttercup. She tells him to shine her saddle or
bring water to the house. All he says in response is, “As you wish.” Later in
the film, she goes so far as to push him off a hill and tell him to die. You
can hear him yelling all the way down the hill, “As you wish!” While Westley
survives and things work out between the two, the phrase, “as you wish,” should
ring in our ears. It is a phrase of submission, of dying to our own will, and
obeying the will or authority of someone around us, and we do this every day.
We submit to teachers by doing our homework; we submit to the law by following
the speed limit; but as Christians, we are called to submit first to Christ and
second to all other Christians.
Christian relationships, as seen in 5:21, are
based upon mutual submission to one another and especially marriage. A marriage
may not be successful without submission to each other and certainly without a
primary submission to God. Husbands and wives display a picture: the husband as
Christ and the wife as the church. As a display of the church, the wife is to
submit to the husband as the church submits to Jesus Christ. She is not
inferior but submits as to the Lord, for this is what he has commanded. In doing
so, she honors God and displays what the church is to be to the Lord Jesus. Her
submission then is to be praised, for her obedience realizes an eternal
marriage: Christ and his church.
[1] Catherine Klasne, “Divorce? No. Murder? Yes,” UWWM,
n.d.,
https://www.uww-adr.com/uncategorized/divorce-no-murder-yes#:~:text=The%20late%20Ruth%20Bell%20Graham,Murder%3F.
[2] Francis
Foulkes, Ephesians: An Introduction and
Commentary, vol. 10,
Tyndale New Testament Commentaries (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press,
1989), 157.
[3]
John R. W. Stott, God’s New Society: The Message of Ephesians (The Bible
Speaks Today. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1979), 208.
[4] John R. W. Stott, God’s
New Society: The Message of Ephesians, The Bible Speaks Today
(Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1979), 208.
[5] This term should not imply that
there exists any other type of marriage, for God defines marriage as the union
between one man and one woman. No exceptions are made to this union. Moreover,
even among unbelieving spouses, God’s design for marriage is one man and one
woman so all marriage subsists in such a context, and anything outside of those
bounds is not marriage, according to God’s design in Scripture.
[6] Kelvin F.
Mutter, “Ephesians 5:21-33 as Christian Alternative Discourse,” Trinity
Journal, 39 (18): 8.
[7] Foulkes, 159-160.
[8] Stott, 224.
[9] Foulkes, 162.
[10]
Stott, 225.
