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AS TO THE LORD: THE SUBMISSION OF CHILDREN TO PARENTS AND PARENTS TO GOD (EPHESIANS 6:1-4)
Finally, in this section of text dealing with the family,
the Apostle Paul gives instructions to children. Nonetheless, he does not
negate the responsibility of parents in his instructions, for parents hold
great responsibility in the development (especially the spiritual development)
of children. A godly picture of the family includes all parties in the unit,
which surely comprises children. While various ideas exist concerning the age
Paul had in mind here, suffice it to say that a child may be considered one for
whom a parent is responsible morally, ethically, and legally. Could that appear
differently between cultures, societies, and contexts? Yes. Thus, each parent
must determine those for whom they are responsible in such a manner and apply
this text to those people.
Paul’s words in Ephesians 6:1-4 are positioned around
obedience and honor with an overarching theme of doing what is right. The
rightness of such attitudes is what constitutes behavior (i.e. Christians obey
and honor God because it is right irrespective of personal feelings or
sentiments). Furthermore, the God-ordained family structure is dependent on
parents and children doing what is right in a broad sense: namely submitting to
God by submitting to one another. A key difference in parental submission and the
submission of children, however, is that the role of a child includes obedience
to his or her parents. Adults do not necessarily have such a charge in every
context.[1] From the
text, three truths may be gleaned concerning children.
1.
The motivation for obedience is the fact that it
is right;
2.
honor is a primary commandment concerning
children toward their parents; and
3.
authority brings up, not down.
These factors should offer a
supreme example to families as to how children and parents should interact with
one another in a godly manner.
The
Motivation for Obedience: It Is Right (6:1)
The family is a single unit. Where the family unit breaks
down, society breaks down, for the family is the institution, which God has
enacted to carry his functions and will on earth. The Apostle Paul begins his
charge to both parents and children by focusing on the responsibility of
children. In a rather simple manner, Paul gives children the instruction to
obey parents on a single basis: because it is right (Eph 6:1). As Christians,
it should be realized that the overarching reason for doing good is because it
is right. Morality is of God and his nature and character; right is who God is,
and he is incapable of being anything else. Thus, believers, in imitating
Christ, should make decisions based on what is right. Paul offers such a
foundation to children
(i.e. obey because it is right).
Paul,
however, emphasizes a key provision in obedience to parents when he adds “in
the Lord” (Eph 6:1). “Its use
here is not because the Apostle contemplates ‘the situation where parental
orders might be contrary to the law of Christ.”[2]
The assumption here is that husbands and wives already live in submission to
God and, therefore, seek their children’s best interest. Mindful of the fact
that all instructions presuppose a situation where all parties submit mutually
to God and then to each other, children are given the order to obey parents,
for it is right. What is right supersedes any questions, answers, or reasons for
obedience. Even in circumstances where children are not capable of seeing or
understanding the reason, obedience to their parents is right. Christian life
is verified by
obedience to Jesus Christ (John 14:15). Rightness, therefore, is the foundation
of obedience. Parents are to obey and submit to the Lord. Children are to obey
and submit to their parents.
Paul’s
instructions to the Ephesians here seeps deep below the surface of submission
to an area that acknowledges what is right. Husbands and wives are to often
make decisions based on what is right irrespective of their desire to do so or
not. Godly submission requires such thinking and indeed abandonment of selfish
desires. For children, doing what is right also requires stripping their own
desires from decision making and obeying their parents because it is right
despite what the erring heart and mind perceives.
Naturally,
people tend to give allegiance to those in authority and especially those by
whom good circumstances have been created (e.g. parents who have given life).
Children begin life by adhering to their parents’ orders and guidance; husbands
and wives live life adhering to God’s orders and guidance; parents also submit
to one another and to their children in seeking what is best for others. Godly
submission then is cyclic. Paul’s instructions here center around the
children’s responsibility. “This law is
given to children: since their parents are the enablers of their existence,
they are to obey them. The principle is that they reverence those through whom
they exist.”[3] The
concept is that God is to be obeyed because he is the one through whom both
earthly and eternal life exists. God is the creator; therefore, his people must
obey him. Obedience is right because of the Lord’s position as creator and
life-giver. The basis for children’s obedience follows the same trajectory, for
it is right to obey the ones who have given life and provided for well-being.
In The Voyage
of the Dawn Treader, C.S. Lewis tells the story of Eustace Scrubb,
who turns into a dragon as the result of his greed and selfishness. After
spending some time as a dragon, Eustace encounters Aslan, who tells him to take
off the scales. What follows is an excellent illustration of how obedience
transforms us, even if it is difficult. Eustace says, “The lion told me I must
undress first. Mind you, I don’t know if he said any words out loud or not. I
was just going to say that I couldn’t undress because I hadn’t any clothes on
when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can
cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that’s what the lion means. So I
started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place.
And then I scratched a little deeper and instead of just scales coming off here
and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully, like it does after an
illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it.
I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was a most
lovely feeling.”[4]
Eustace discovers that he has more layers of dragon flesh to peel off and only
Aslan can help him get rid of it all. However, Eustace’s obedience demonstrates
his submission to Aslan’s plan. Similarly, we must learn to obey the Lord’s
commands, even when the task is quite difficult. Parents are called to obey the
Lord in bringing up children; children are called to obey parents as to the
Lord.
The underlying motivation for children’s
obedience to their parents is the fact that it is right. Parental
responsibilities involve ensuring their children become productive adults.
Parents then hold the greatest level of accountability. Children may not
understand the reasons behind parental controls and demands, but without
question, children should obey their parents.[5]
It appears as though many believers exclude the religious aspect of the
Christian faith (e.g. many assume that Christianity is a relationship with no
religious aspect to it). James makes it clear, however, that there is a
difference between pure and defiled religion (Jas 1:27) (i.e. religion is
necessary but must be pure rather than defiled). Whether realized or not, the
religious aspect of the Christian faith requires doing what is right. Whether
enjoyed or not and whether agreed or not, Christians are beckoned to live life
according to what is right. Children, likewise, are to obey parents because it
is right. The motivation for obedience is based on its rightness. Paul’s focus
here is children in perhaps the simplest of grounds between members of the family unit. Children are
commanded to obey and surely must do so simply because it is right.
Honor Is Primary (6:2-3)
Beyond
obedience due to its rightness, children are commanded to honor their fathers
and mothers with a reference to the Law’s commandment being the first with a
promise: namely length of days (Eph 6:3). The Greek word for honor here is τιμάω
(timao), which refers to fixing a value (i.e. to honor one’s parents is
to realize their value through action). One’s submission to another then is
directly related to the realized value he or she (the one to whom submission is
given) holds. When Paul calls children to honor their fathers and mothers, he
implicitly calls them to realize the inherent value of parents.
One might consider what precisely is meant by
“the first commandment with a promise,” (Eph 6:2), for a promise is surely
attached to the second commandment.[6]
Various interpretations exist surrounding such a statement. First, since
ancient Jewish culture divided the Ten Commandments into two tables of five,
the reference to the first with a promise could allude to the second table of
five.[7]
Another interpretation, however, is that honoring the father and mother is the
first foundational principle to be learned by children.[8]
Still, a third interpretation is that the fifth commandment to honor the father
and mother is a primary commandment of utmost importance[9]
(i.e. a child’s development is founded upon adherence to this particular
commandment). The essential element in the matter is that honor is primary.
Neglect of honor toward parents indicates a fault in the godly development of
the child. Without honor, the trajectory of the family unit may shift to the
point where it is not salvageable. God has given parents instructions to submit
to him and then to one another and children the directive to honor their parents.
Honor
is an instruction that holds no bounds or ending. Honor, nonetheless, changes
in its application throughout one’s life. Since parents are responsible for a
child’s growth and development into a productive adult, once such a point is
achieved, honor is not employed as an adult in the same way it was as a child,
for an adult possesses a deeper level of independence, autonomy, and
accountability than does a child. An adult is no longer under his or her
parents’ accountability, for he or she is held accountable on their own. As a
practical matter, honor at this level is also less attached to obedience.
Indeed, as difficult as it may be, the time comes in every parent’s life when
he or she must let go of their children (i.e. it is right to give their
children independence). In such cases, to cling to parental power is wrong.
While
a child in development is certainly called to obey his or her parents (in the
Lord) throughout development, a child[10]
in adulthood is detached from the responsibility of blind obedience.
Nonetheless, such a person must still honor the father and mother. Honor is the
primary command based upon the God-given position of parents and their role in
the development of a child, and such a command does not cease with adulthood.
Every man and every woman is a son or daughter. Therefore, the instruction to
honor parents continuously applies, although with different application in
adulthood.
For a
child to honor his or her father and mother, he or she must first realize the
value God has assigned to parents: a value that is inherent because of their
responsibility and position as parents. Failure to understand this value likely
results in a failure of obedience and honor and, therefore, the beginnings of
the family breakdown. Still, for such honor and obedience to occur, parents
must employ submission first to God and then to each other. All parties act on
the basis that it is right to do so and proceed as to the Lord. Every family
action should spring from submission to the Lord, for everything the believer
does should be done as to him. Therefore, for a child to honor his or her
parents is to honor God. Honor is primary.
Authority Brings Up, Not Down
(6:4)
As is
the case in mutual submission, not all responsibility lies on one side. Paul
finally directs the highest form of authority in the family toward fathers,
although mothers could certainly be included in this address, especially in
circumstances where the father is not present. Paul likely had both parents in
mind when using the word, fathers.[11]
The point, however, is that parents are responsible for their children and must
consider their job as authorities crucial to their children’s proper
development and spiritual growth.
The
Apostle emphatically instructs fathers not to provoke children to anger (Eph
6:4). παροργίζω (parorgizo) is the word used for provoke
here, which is employed also in 4:21 and Romans 10:19 (quoting Deuteronomy
32:21). “It is right for parents to demand obedience, but
there must not be a capricious exercise of authority… Discipline is essential
in the home; but not unnecessary rules and regulations and endless petty
correction by which children are discouraged.”[12]
The overarching concept of parental responsibility here is to bring up a child.
Any neglect of submission to the Lord or mutual submission to one’s spouse
spawns a propensity to bringing down the child rather than bringing up. The
task of bringing up is clearly placed on parents.
Moreover, Paul clarifies that children are to be
brought up in “the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4). The
Apostle Paul’s words point to a directive where parents hold the most
responsibility in the development of children but not merely development that
will make them successful in the eyes of the world but in a way that honors
God. If a child becomes an adult with numerous academic and athletic awards but
abandons the faith in God, their achievements are futile and wasted. It is
surely good to achieve greatness in all that one does. Nonetheless, if parents
do not bring up their children in the ways of the Lord, thus, resulting in a
child who becomes an adult without a faith in God, those parents have failed in
their responsibility. In a society where the world demands much of families and
children, parents should demand more in the way of holiness; parents should
demand more in the way of godliness; and parents should set an inarguable
example for their children that the most important element in life is to honor
God and anything else is but rubbish when set against it.
The specific instruction given by Paul is to
avoid provocation. The godly way to bring up a child is to model Christlike
humility. Jesus led by example in humility and gentleness.[13]
Bringing up a child must be intentional. Without intentionality, the child will
be brought down (i.e. fall away from the truth of God). Therefore, parents must
be deliberate in how their children are approached. While children have the
responsibility to obey their parents and parents to discipline their children,
everything must be done in love, for in love is the manner God leads and
disciplines his own people. With Jesus as the authoritative example of
leadership, parents should seek approaches in their children’s development that
point them to him rather than away from him. Paul’s instructions, therefore,
are not simply to bring up children (for ceasing there is an exercise in
futility) but to do so in the ways of the Lord. Anything less is wasted.
Parents exist as the primary authority for their
children. Although one’s primary authority shifts throughout the course of
life, until a child is an independent adult, his or her parents are
authoritative. Parents hold power, which is “the ability to force or coerce
someone to do your will.”[14]
Children should obey their parents based on parental power. Nevertheless, godly
parental leadership also elicits authority, which is “the skill of getting
people to willingly do your will because of your personal influence.”[15]
Jesus revealed authority and educed peoples’ willingness to follow him. His
followers did not question his intent nor motivation, for Jesus held their best
interest in his heart and mind. As the model for parental leadership, parents
should love their children in such a way that their motivation is never
questioned even when there exists tension or disagreement. While Paul clearly
gives children the charge to obey and honor their parents, parents (beginning
with the father) have a greater responsibility to bring up their children in
honoring and obeying the Lord. Children are to honor their parents as to the
Lord, which is derived from parents bringing up their children as to the Lord.
Godly family dynamics hinge on doing everything as to the Lord.
The Toil of Doing Right
An aspect of the faith many Christians fail to
understand is the required toil. Believers are called to work out salvation
with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12). This means that the Christian life is not
a piece of cake but demands toil and strife. When confronted with sin,
Christians are to make war, not passively onlook. In family dynamics,
submission and obedience requires work, but it is necessary on the solid
foundation that it is right. Christians obey God because it is right and doing
so reflects his character. Children are to likewise obey parents because it is
right.
In these few verses, Paul gives instructions to
children regarding the obedience and honor of their parents. Further, he also
gives instructions to parents in how to bring up their children with an
understanding that a child’s development is the direct obligation of parents.
Education is a parental responsibility, not a government responsibility. In all
facets of family dynamics, toil is required. Christians should approach such
relationships with the expectation of intentional work. Such toil, however, is employed
as to the Lord. When the Lord is the motivation for what is done, duty is
overtaken by inspiration. One might find it difficult to submit to another
human but to the Lord should not be an issue. The toil of submission is real,
but its advantages exceed its difficulty. All family dynamics are based upon
mutual submission to God and then to each other. Therefore, families should
toil together knowing that their endeavors are to the Lord and not to
humankind.
[1]
This statement is meant to imply that obedience is not sometimes necessary for
adults (e.g. adults should obey their employers and legal authorities).
[2] F.F. Bruce, The Epistle to
the Ephesians, in Franci Foulkes, Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary, vol.
10, Tyndale New Testament Commentaries (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press,
1989), 168.
[3] M. J. Edwards, ed., Galatians,
Ephesians, Philippians, Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture (Downers Grove,
IL: InterVarsity Press, 1999), 202.
[4] C.S. Lewis, Voyage of the Dawn Treader
(London: HarperCollins, 1998), 130.
[5] Surely, obedience becomes
disparate as children grow until they can make mature adult decisions. Until
then, however, obedience is how children do what is right.
[6] “You shall not make for yourself a
carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is
in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not
bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your
God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the
children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but
showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my
commandments” (Exod 20:4-6).
[7] Foulkes, 169.
[8] Ibid.
[9] Ibid.
[10] Here the term refers simply to the offspring
of parents rather than a human of a certain age.
[11] Foulkes, 170.
[12] Ibid.
[13] This is not to suggest that a stern response
is not ever necessary, for even Jesus was stern at times (e.g. the turning of
the Temple tables) but a firmly gentle approach with the goal of bringing up a
child.
[14] James C. Hunter, The Servant: A Simple Story about
the True Essence of Leadership (New York City, NY: Crown Publishing, 1998),
30.
[15] Ibid.
